Participation: A Night at the Races.

I spent my Saturday evening in a large hall with my boyfriend, his family, a large group of their family friends and all the other random people there that I didn't know. The aim of the evening was to bet on horses and the money remaining after everyone collected their winnings would go to charity.

I didn't really understand what the event entailed, as minimal information was provided -thankfully upon entry we were given a programme to tell us what was going on. There were nine races in all -although one was run three times due to technical difficulties- and six 'horses' in each race. The horses were made of wood and at the front had a little clip, where a piece of string could be hooked; the string then led up to a metal frame with a handle. Once six people had volunteered to be jockeys, selected their number and paraded around the hall in a circle around the 'track' it was their job to wind up the string as fast as they possibly could. Whoever wound the fastest, was obviously the one to drag their wooden horse over the finish line first, and therefore the winner. As this was happening the odds were calculated for each horse, so the 'punters' could collect the correct winnings.

Me being my introverted self had absolutely no desire in partaking in any way other than being one of the 'punters.' However, as the picture below indicates, I didn't quite get my way. My boyfriend's mother had sponsored one of the races and named it after her father. Because of this it was decided that all of us should be jockeys in that race, and there just so happened to be six of us, so there was no backing out unless I wanted to annoy, upset or disappoint a few people.

So I tried to muster up enough enthusiasm as I could to take part in my race. I didn't manage to muster up much and felt fairly ridiculous throughout. Especially as I was dressed in a beautiful jockey's outfit and my hand kept slipping off the plastic handle. I ended up coming fifth; but that doesn't really bother me. I'm really not the competitive sort, and just by looking at the two people next to me you can kind of tell there was no way I was coming first -number 2 came first in all three races he volunteered for.

Taking our positions. I'm in the ever-so-stylish number 3 vest/bib.

Now I know this is the part where I'm supposed to say 'although I didn't want to, I'm so glad I participated;' but that isn't what I'm going to say. I'm quite frankly indifferent to the fact that I took part in a race. A number of family friends present where a lot more enthusiastic about my participation than I ended up being. And that is something I find really interesting. 

I know they were probably just doing it to be nice, but the fact they chose to cheer me on when they've known everyone else much longer, implies to me it was a case of, 'Look! Hannah's taking part. She's trying to come out of her shell, let's support her for doing this.' Again, I know that probably sounds like a nice gesture, but I wasn't all that keen on it. I wasn't trying to come out of my shell. I felt slightly pressured into partaking, when I was more than happy just sat watching the races and occasionally placing bets.

It just seems to me that people are never really happy with me being me. Everyone, ever since I was in primary school, has always wanted me to 'come out of my shell,' but I'm more than happy in my shell. If I don't feel like participating in something, pressuring me into coming out of this 'shell' of mine really isn't going to encourage me. I just can't fathom why everyone needs to participate, why everyone needs to be outgoing and happy-go-lucky. I'm none of these things. I participate when I think I have something valid or valuable to offer; I think things through; I weigh up the pros and cons; I plan things almost meticulously, and I have no intention of changing.

What makes this simple race night even more amusing to me, is that right before we went to it we went to visit my boyfriend's grandmother. I've met her many times and she has commented on my quiet and reserved ways in the past. She did the same that day and as she hugged me goodbye she whispered in my ear -even though it was audible enough for the three other people in the room to hear- "Let yourself go." Yet another encouragement, from yet another person to come out of my shell. Now I know that she meant well and I appreciate that she cares enough to give me advice. But it just brought me back to the reason I started this blog a few days ago.

Quiet. Susan Cain, is the one person who has reassured me in my belief that I'm perfectly fine the way I am. Her book is just so empowering to me. I'm an introvert who has no intention of pretending to be an extrovert. I am me and I don't plan on changing that for anybody. Unfortunately though, because I don't plan on changing, it means I have to justify my ways and actions to countless people. I even find myself justifying my introverted behaviours to my boyfriend from time to time.

To anyone who is still reading this post, there is something I want you to take away from this. I want you to know, that whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, you are perfectly fine the way you are. Do what makes you feel comfortable; don't feel pressured into doing things; and don't feeling like you have to change for or justify yourself to others.

You be you, I'll be me, and in the words of John and Hank Green: Don't forget to be awesome.

-Hannah. :)

First Things First: Introductions.

Greetings fellow introverts -and any extroverts who have come to get a glimpse inside an introvert's mind! As my sidebar notes, my name is Hannah and I'm a twenty year-old Psychology student. That's a very brief summary of myself, but as the address and title of this blog suggests, this looks like it's going to be quite a personal blog. And it is because of the future depth of my blog that I have decided to start out with a better description of myself than my sidebar offers -I've also decided to go down the obvious route and explain my reasonings for creating this blog, but that'll come a little later on in this post.

As well as being an indicator for the potential depth of my blog, my address and title tell you quite a lot about me. As they note, I am an introvert. I tend to describe myself as 'a massive introvert' as introversion and extroversion are seen as a spectrum and I have a great deal of introverted traits and barely any extroverted one. These traits include all the typical things: watchful, soft-spoken, mellow, a good listener, I enjoy being by myself and I dislike conflict and risk-taking. But on top of being 'a massive introvert' I'm also incredibly shy; shy to the point where I've crossed over into Social Anxiety Disorder territory. To a lot of you, reading that won't be a surprise as introversion and shyness/SAD are often deemed to have a hand-in-hand relationship.

Moving slightly away from my personality but staying on the topic of introducing myself, I'm an animal lover. In all my twenty -almost twenty-one years- I've had more favourite animals than I can recall. But after years of trying to decided I've concluded that instead of a favourite animal I have a top three (Cats, meerkats and dolphins for any of you who are interested). Relating to this point, I feel the need to declare that I'm a cat lady. I know some of you out their are dog lovers and I totally respect that. I like dogs as much as the next person, but they're just not quite as good as cats in my eyes.

Going on from animals before I get too into singing the praises of cats, I'm also a bookworm and a music and film fanatic. There's little I enjoy more than either a night in with a good book, a night out at a concert, or a night getting way too emotionally involved in a film. And to top my introduction off, I am without a shadow of a doubt a truly, hopeless romantic. I personally blame my love of films and books for this, as there's nothing that makes my heart swoon as much as grand romantic gestures and mutual, undying love -not that I've had either happen to me yet, but a girl can live in hope. The hopeless romantic in me, who has watched more than her fair share of Disney films, cannot wait until the day a man looks at me the way all Disney prince's look at the princess.

Seriously, who doesn't want their partner to look at them like that?!

I think that's a detailed enough insight into myself, so let's move onto why I decided to create this blog specifically.

I decided to start this blog after reading Quiet by Susan Cain -well actually I'm halfway through as I type this. If you have not already heard about this book, and are yourself an introvert, or at least think you are, then I really, really recommend you get this book. The book's purpose is to show that introverts are incredibly underrated individuals. The world we live in today loves extroverts; it gives us the mindset that if you want to get anyway in life you need to be an extrovert, and if you're not an extrovert then you need to pretend to be one. But you don't, and that's why I love this book so much, even though I've not even finished it yet. Firstly it helps you identify traits within yourself, and secondly it helps you to embrace them, by showing you just how useful these traits are to the world, even though it seems like the world denies it.

Quiet has left such an impression on me already, that I thought I would try to do something on a smaller, less brilliant, scale. And that is why I'm here. I'm here because I want to share my introverted experiences with the world. I want extroverts to understand how introverts see the world and what goes on inside the mind of an introvert; and I want to reassure other introverts out there that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them the way that they are and that they aren't the only ones who think and act the way they do.

Because of those aims I really want to encourage the input of any readers I gain as my blog begins and progresses. If I write a post that you can really relate to, then let me know in the comments; I'd love to know! If you've got a question about something I've mentioned in a post, then please do feel free to ask, I'll respond as best as I can. General feedback on either a post or my blog is great and appreciated too!

Also, as a little disclaimer: as of right now I don't plan to have a blogging schedule, so I highly doubt my blogging will be as consistent as other, much more popular blogs. But as my blog progresses and develops that may very well change. I truly hope that my current lack of a blogging schedule doesn't put you off from following my blog. I'd love for you to read about my introverted experiences and share your own with me.

What I ask of you now in the fetus stages of my blog is to stick with me, at least for a little while, so we can both see how things go and make this blog better together.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this,
-Hannah. :)