Break Ups | An INFJ's Perspective.

I feel like I experience break ups in a very unique way because of the fact I am an INFJ.

As an INFJ, when it comes to relationships mine are few and far between. This is because I need to be able to really connect with a person on a range of levels before I start to develop romantic feelings for them. Once I have this with a person, quite frankly, I'm screwed. When I develop a really strong connection with a person I get very attached; not in a clingy way, more in a 'you mean a lot to me, I really care about you, but I'm not going to be super in your face about it' way.

So when relationships come to an end it's really difficult for me -when it's the other person who decides to end it anyway. I'm sure you're able to guess that I'm writing this because I have recently gone through a break up, and you're not wrong. Granted it was two months ago that things ended, but today I realised I'm not quite as over it as I had first thought.

I was only with the guy for four months, but out of all of my exs he's the one I developed the strongest connection with. We had so many things in common, both in terms of interests, personality traits and values, and we got along so effortlessly from the moment we met. There's an ancient Buddhist teaching that your soulmate isn't the person who gives you butterflies, but instead is the person you always feel completely at ease with; and that's what things were like with him.

I cared very deeply about him. He managed to restore my hope both in men and love, and for that I will be forever grateful. But obviously he decided to end things with me. He had his reasons which I won't go into, purely because it's personal and I've done enough over-thinking about that stuff already. We agreed to stay friends and that's working out surprisingly well. That being said our contact is almost exclusively through messaging and social media now. I feel that remaining friends and talking most days is both a help and a hindrance for me. It helps because it means I haven't completely lost the connection I have with him -it's just weakened. But it doesn't help because it means I still have hope for the future. It also doesn't help because when I see him interacting with other females I feel a pang of jealously and sadness in my chest. And that's what's proving to be the hardest part for me. I'll be completely over him eventually though...

Attraction: Not Having a Type.

One question that comes up in a multitude of ways over the course of your life is: "What's your type?" or "What sort of guy/girl do you usually go for?" I've been asked this a number of times over the years by friends, and once or twice on websites that allow you to ask people things anonymously -i.e. Tumblr and Formspring- and I've never found myself able to answer them properly.

I can list a number of personality traits that I look for in a prospective partner. I can also list a number of morals and beliefs I'd like my ideal partner to have. And I can list a range of other things too -such as hobbies and their taste in music, films and comedy- but I can never find myself able to say what my 'type' is when it comes to physical attraction. There doesn't appear to be one figure I prefer to others, or a certain type of nose that I can't resist, or even a height that I favour over others.

Zacky Vengeance, who will be getting a mention a little further on.
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Now I'm not going to go on to say that I don't have a type because I don't think looks are important. That would be a lie. Looks are important, but only to an extent. I personally feel that you need to be physically attracted to someone as well as attracted to them in other ways in order to have the best possible relationship. What I'm trying to say in this post is, that although looks are important, there isn't a type of look I go for.

I'm currently dating a weightlifter. He's about 5ft8, muscular, has short, brown hair, has facial hair and brown/hazel eyes. But my two boyfriends before him were the complete opposite, and both in different ways. One was a tall, lanky, 'emo', with a big, dyed blonde fringe, and blue eyes. The other was a tall, indie boy, of a normal build, who had shortish curly brown hair and brown eyes. So there's quite the mix in my small dating history.

The ever so handsome Chris Evans. Again he will be mentioned a little further on.
[Source]

My lack of a 'type' is also incredibly evident when you look at my two 'celebrity crushes' -I really hate that term, there's just something cringey about it. The longest serving on my list is the one and only Zacky Vengeance. As you can see from the picture I've included he doesn't really match up physically with any of my exs. Then, right up there along side Zacky is Chris Evans, and I think it goes without saying that Chris Evans is nothing like Zacky or my exs in terms of appearance.

Over the years I've tried piecing common traits together and always come up with nothing. Sure there are features that I like -such as dark hair and blue eyes, and being around the six foot mark- but having those things doesn't automatically make me attracted to that person, and not having those things doesn't necessarily mean I won't find that person attractive either.

I guess I'm even more indecisive than I originally thought.
-Hannah. :)